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A Letter for Talon

Talon,

 This is Daddy. There's so much I want to say and if you are even allowed to read or have been able to read any of the other things on my website, this one is only for you. I've given mom and made this website for years now, she says she has always read them and shown them to you but I don't know what is true anymore.

I want to say first, I love you so much and miss you so much right now. You are old enough to know now about some of the things that have happened and hear them from me, not just Mom.

Because Daddy has a big mouth and writes a lot of words, I'm going to break some of this down into multiple letters to give you time to take it all in. If I repeat myself I'm sorry, it's hard focusing on just one thing right now and there is so much that you need to know and I need you to hear. 

Please take the time to think about it and don't be afraid to ask me, your school counselor, and even your mom about these things if you don't understand or want to know more. It's really important that you do for all of us. Just remember that there can be sides to everything and they aren't always right or always wrong. That's where us adults make big mistakes. You need to hear more than one person's thoughts on things not just Mom’s, and not just mine. If you are anything like me you will ask as many people as possible and then come up with what you feel is right for you. The truth in everything has a way of finding itself to you that way if you just give it a chance. I have always believed that and I hope you can come to believe that too.

I know you might have asked why I left, you were younger at the time and I left it up to your mother to gradually explain things to you along the way. I relied a lot on her to tell you the things that I was telling her for you. I know at times when she called you heard us arguing, and didn't like it. I didn't like it either. Those arguments were real, and had real reasons behind them. You deserve to know exactly why.

I'm doing my very best to try to explain some of this to you and my first thought is to try to protect you from some of the ugly things that have been involved in all of this, and now for a long time, I thought I was doing that all along but what has happened now seems to be exactly the opposite and I am sorry. I should have been there. Let me just say that I do get very angry and disappointed when people lie. I always have because it does nothing but cause trouble, and a lot of the trouble that we have been facing is because of exactly that. I was trying to tell you that last night that Mom hung up on me and wouldn't allow you to call after that, that lying just keeps getting bigger and bigger until you can't control it anymore. eventually someone finds out and unless you stop doing it, it can take away everything you have eventually. You also really have to believe that lying is wrong and really try not to ever do it again, because eventually someone may not forgive you or you may lose something that you will never get back.

This happened to me, I am the one that has been taken away. You have been taken away from me. I can't change the fact that your mom did these things. If I had my way it would all just go away and we could forget about it, but because this is me and you I can't let it go and I cannot forget about it. Talon, I love you and I am crying so hard right now and trying to keep focus on what I am trying to tell you and what I think you need to hear, I'm trying to do this right for both of us and even Mom. I can't change where these ugly things came from. I wish I could, and Mom can't either even if she tries to hide them.

For a long time I had hoped that some of these ugly things would just go away and me and mom would never have to expose you to them. Before this is all over, you are probably going to hear ugly things about me, and ugly things about mom. None of it is intended to turn you away from either of us but you have to understand why things happened and how they happened that led us to where we are right now.

I'm going to say right now that sometimes people do things they don't mean, they make mistakes and most of the time if they had a way to change things and not do it in the first place they probably would. That's where we learn, that's how we determine doing things right and doing things wrong and try not to do them again.

Just know that I love you Talon, I always have and have been fighting ever since day one to bring our family back together. Me and you were supposed to be able to do many things together and just be happy, and I'm sorry that they didn't happen. I couldn't control why or how that happened, I was relying on Mom to be there for us when I couldn't. We still have a lot we can do, but now the way things are we have to fight for them. I won't give up on you and I really hope that you won't give up on me because I always have been and I always will be here. I won't give up on Mom either- she asked me a long time ago to never give up on our family and I have never broken that promise and I never will.

I love you and Mom with all my heart Talon

-Dad

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