If you aren't capable of handling raw emotion I'm going to ask you not to read any further. I am not holding back any words or thoughts in this, so you have been warned. It is not a pleasant journal entry, but it is reality- My reality, my son's reality. It's not for you to judge. Mother's Day is destroyed for us now. Her handler probably won't have the balls to let her read this, his own fragile existence would probably shit itself at the thought and I seriously doubt she would have the courage to make it to the end. She has already demonstrated that. Truth hurts. That's why she needed something barely stronger than herself with a paycheck because he's controllable. Weak men need love too I suppose, even if they have to buy it.  "Mother's Day" This is the time of the year that I'd be thinking about trying...

"The smell of your lies and treachery will forever bring them to you." Until you have seen the Gods and been in their halls, everyone with a belief can be considered chaotic, unknowing and unstable. For some people it is a lifelong conflict, and others have found personal resolution by not acknowledging that conflict at all. We rely on stories we are told and things we cannot see to absolve fears and answer questions being asked, time immortal. Every civilization and culture shapes their own ways to answer those questions. …And with each and every one of them there have always been the same battles and challenges, no matter the marked calendar or measure of time. Good vs Evil, Truth vs Lies, Love vs Hate. Our stories, sagas, and writings manifest to give hope and teach in ways so we can understand. Modern society has proven time and time again that...

Just pacing today. I've been doing so much this last week I kind of forgot to eat and sleep a whole lot along the way, but you have to understand that clocks, calendars, and the light outside doesn't seem to have any bearing on where I'm at. I'm exhausted. I tried, really I did after my trip last week to divert some of this into something proactive, and at its root it's still the same thing. I'm trying anything and everything I can to reach out and be able to talk and hold my son. Just like prior to this mess, my whole day was devoted to moving forward and doing whatever it took to keep my family together. Somebody contacted me and said his mother and her wallet John could be open to allowing me to talk to my son. I wanted to get excited, really I did but you...

This is another personal letter going out today. I don't know what to do, nothing makes sense anymore.  And I don't even know if it will be sent to her or thrown away at the door. I have to try anything.  Read my previous journal entries if anything surprises you or makes you wonder about the hell that we are going through right now... "My Son is Held Hostage By His Mother"   Diane, Do you even realize or care, or have any remorse whatsoever for what you have done to me and yes, what you have done to Talon? It's not your truth, it's not my truth it's THE truth. You probably won't even be able to finish reading this. I'll bet you'll throw it away, and disregard it like everything else you claim to care about. This is about me, you and our son. All of it. At least,...

Talon, I don't know if you remember or not but I made this for you and Mom back in 2015, and I have played it and sent it to her every Easter until recently. I always did my best to try to remind her and you that everything I was doing was for us. this is what I mean by even in my spare time I was trying to be there for you. You and her filled my day and still do. Now here in 2023, it came up in my reminders to send it to you guys and it just made me cry. I still have that funny little sock monkey, it's with my things and I look at it from time to time. Mali isn't here now, so I can't look to her to talk to even now. I wish I could talk to you at least. Happy Easter...

Talon,  This is Daddy. There's so much I want to say and if you are even allowed to read or have been able to read any of the other things on my website, this one is only for you. I've given mom and made this website for years now, she says she has always read them and shown them to you but I don't know what is true anymore. I want to say first, I love you so much and miss you so much right now. You are old enough to know now about some of the things that have happened and hear them from me, not just Mom. Because Daddy has a big mouth and writes a lot of words, I'm going to break some of this down into multiple letters to give you time to take it all in. If I repeat myself I'm sorry, it's hard focusing on...

No matter how painful it is writing this, I have to. There are a lot of words and it is no small thing to read, so whoever does, thank you. I am exposing myself at my most vulnerable and doing my best to try to put everything into the right words and hopefully by the end of it you'll understand why this is so important to me to do this. I have nothing left. My son is basically being held hostage. I am trying to be erased. Buried. It's no public secret that I have been trying to reunite with my family for several years due to complicated life issues, but up until recently throughout the whole course of his life it has been very rare that a day or two has gone by without walking him to school in the morning, talking with him throughout the day, and tucking him...

This is a personal letter, and I can't guarantee that there will be anything after this. It's only here to be saved for the future and so that I'm sure they can read it. Diane Talon and Mali:“Forgive Me” Forgive me, please, forgive me.For all of the ways I've failed you,for every tear I've made you cry,for every promise I didn’t make come true. Inside of my head can be an ugly place, decorated with the remains of my regrets, and holds the ambiance of every ghost and fear that I wish I could forget. Each day you see theres forced fake smiles, the ones that vanish when I look into the mirror. Iv’e tried so hard to be strong for you, shield you from the dark I keep in here. But in my silence, I forsake you, ofien leaving you all alone, to wonder what it is that you done, or what truth you should have known. And...

Babe, Do you remember this? Do you remember making it? I remember that day clearly, because it always meant something to me. When we talked about making a door chime for our store, and the thing about the four bells I remember joking and saying: “The four bells were there to remind us of our family. You, Me, Mali, and a son we hoped to have one day. That way each time it rings when the door opens it's to remind us why we are doing this and we never know what is going to come through that door but we are all here together for it.” And you said “That the heart was our love protected inside an unbreakable fence we built.” We laughed a little and the light I saw in your eyes made me feel like I could do anything. We even wrinkled our noses and one of...

Happy Valentine's Day babe. This has been a strange year, and yet things have been going good, I wanted to get you something to make up for your birthday and Christmas for you too, but as you know having to walk away from the company I put so much time into I needed to do for my own feeling of self-worth. You've always told me that material things don't make a difference, but as a man it's always been my heart in the back of my mind that I can do more. I've never been blessed with luck, or a family that could give me things, yet I don't complain about what I have achieved and when you tell me that that's all that matters, you have no idea how much that means to me. I'm just going to recap something I said last Valentine's Day, because they are still the...

"The most terrifying force of death, comes from the hands of men who wanted to be left alone. They try, so very hard, to mind their own business and provide for themselves and those they love. They resist every impulse to fight back, knowing the forced and permanent change of life that will come from it. They know, that the moment they fight back, their lives as they have lived them, are over.The moment the men who wanted to be left alone are forced to fight back, it is a form of suicide. They are literally killing off who they used to be. Which is why, when forced to take up violence, these men who wanted to be left alone, fight with unholy vengeance against those who murdered their former lives. They fight with raw hate, and a drive that cannot be fathomed by those who are merely play-acting at politics...

These things can hold true for anyone in your life- a partner, a friend, a brother. Measure your words and your actions each time you pass each other because you cannot get time back and what you choose to do with it and for it, may be your joy or lament. I have lost much and will lose much, we all do. Today I send a brother to his maker and hope to make good on the things we were, the things we became and the things we aspired to. You were just here a moment ago and we were laughing at the gods, provoking them to action brother; and the only regret I have is not being able to say it one more time- I love you, and will see you soon. "Time enough for the earth in the ground". We had a special relationship and conversations about things I'd venture to...

Our passions are derived from what we are most comfortable with. Things we can count on, the things we know. We adventure within ourselves and the things we choose to share are wrought from that comfort, the things we have grown to love and even sometimes hate because it challenged us on or own terms. Mali was a gift at a time when something was missing, very long ago. She has been with me, our family since she was a pup, and travelled too many times when my path took me to far away places during those times when life's maps set before me without cause or knowing why. Some unwanted, others by design, and the rest maybe just because. Her first toy was a coke bottle. Just a simple thing we take for granted but to her it was an amazing gift that somehow she thought was made just for her. She chose...

My dreams lead me to many places, and at many times. Old soul, perhaps. Blood Empathy? I'm sure of it, in some way. I cant explain the vivid detail, nor the exhaustion upon waking up. Bruised at times, sore, and tired. Every step I take and day that passes in these dreams wears heavy even after awakening. Knowing these inhabitants, their lives and memory of past experiences with them are more than contrived storytelling. I have been there. I have the scars. The gate had closed. I wasn't late because of ill timing, I had already been present but took leave during the intermission to reflect, or perhaps sulk even. It was a gathering of nobles from many camps to discuss things of importance and things, not so important. My place among them seemed to be more of a father, mother or older brother depending on what words I had for each. Every time...

I talk with many people about a wide variety of subjects. I'm a talker. Yeah. One thing we have too little of these days is the "fireside converstion". At the end of the day whether it be at a community meal or even a simple wind-down with one's family. Many problems socially and family natured could be solved or not even exist, I think, if people had more of this in their lives. One thing that comes up frequently is how and why I deal with being away from Diane and Talon. The easy answer is, I dont. It's a constant struggle that I'm afraid I dont have total control over. I'ts aged me.  Perhaps I could outline the reasoning, but it wouldn't serve any purpose and open up the subject to interpretation outside what is important to us. We dont need that. It is what it is and we have to deal with it...

Remember the reasons you do what you do guys. It all comes back to you. I hope everyone out there can take the time to do little things, and big things when you can, just not on a special day, but every day. They re worth it. I planned on being back at my studio to finish the evenstar, but the weather and life in general hasnt allowed for that. Soon. Nonetheless, heres a part of a little note I sent. Sometimes just a note, a flower from a high tree, or even a "I love You" on the wind can carry a world to them in a waking moment. "Three Hearts" Happy Valentines Day Babe. "I wanted to be able to do so much for you by this date, and since things didnt go exactly as planned, I wanted to do something.The pendant is what I could do, and it has...

So, Diane's been exploring some creative energy and me, being me always tries to come up with something I can let her wake up to. I wont get into the creation and machining of the final tools, everyone knows I can already do that, and these are just a little way I can somehow express my "me" time doing things I love doing too. They are stamps and molds for whatever medium she decides to use them on. PMC, Polymer, Wax, what have you. I can't show some of the more "Fen-Shway stuff because at this stage it's proprietary and possibly commercial for us if she decides so. They can be any size, and cast in a surdy bronze or even a tough engineering plastic. I have about 200+- designs already on the burner ready to drop into this format. Custom stuff is easy now that I have the basics done. The images...

Let me tell you something about the Gods, Ragnarok, and what it means to the lives of men. Over time the Gods contrive stories to meet an end thats not always in the favor of men. One thing you can be sure of though, is truth greets you each morning and can be the thing that carries your dreams through the night. Our sagas are ongoing. Men have only lost their way, and stopped teaching through them. This might explain the sense of hopelessness in the world now. I've often pondered why these stories are told, and what they are meant for. They are meant to teach, to give hope. We need more of that, especially now. "Sometimes, men are given a glimpse of something more. I think its really the love, and inspiration the stars can give us that allows us to really, really see." "So walk with me and...

Sometimes, when I try to sleep, I lie awake and wonder what could I have done to be given these, these trials that I'd wish upon no man. To be away from loving heart Diane, and my son, Talon for so long. I surrendered my love to them and swore to protect and cherish them. Diane makes me see all of my faults that the world cant, yet in that its what drives me to be better. We have to hope there is a reason for all this, and rely on each other to endure, hold each other up when the weight is too much to bear. My hands are those of a peasant. Tools Ive grown to use as taught by my father, and his before him. My mind was opened by my mother, showing me nothing is not within reach. My mind has always seen bigger, better things; grand...

"Shut Up" Shut up about "your land". It's not. It hasn't been for hundreds of years. Throughout history, land has been regularly and systematically taken by stronger groups in power. If you want it back, the only way you will get it is by the same means you are complaining about right now. Otherwise, if you aren't prepared to do the same thing, shut up. Shut up about slavery. You haven't been in chains or forced to work for no pay under threat of beating or death, and its been over a hundred years since that system was abolished. Free men and women rise above hardship and no story or situation is the same for everyone. Point is, put your hand on a plow instead of leaving it open for your former oppressors to find it in their hearts to give you something back you didn't earn- your dead ancestors earned...