My Son is Held Hostage By His Mother

No matter how painful it is writing this, I have to. There are a lot of words and it is no small thing to read, so whoever does, thank you. I am exposing myself at my most vulnerable and doing my best to try to put everything into the right words and hopefully by the end of it you'll understand why this is so important to me to do this. I have nothing left.

My son is basically being held hostage. I am trying to be erased. Buried. It's no public secret that I have been trying to reunite with my family for several years due to complicated life issues, but up until recently throughout the whole course of his life it has been very rare that a day or two has gone by without walking him to school in the morning, talking with him throughout the day, and tucking him in bed at night. I left Hawaii to come back to the mainland here several years ago to reestablish a home for myself, Diane and Talon.

The very few people close to me that I do allow inside have even known very little about some of the challenges that us three have faced because I've always considered it personal and private. Some of it may even stem from embarrassment and even jealousy because at the root of it all, I have tried to be the best husband and father and often had to fight feelings of inferiority and failure along the way. Some of the things that have happened and are happening are not supposed to happen to good people. I have to try to believe that but it is so hard. At the root of my soul I have been searching all this time, years, for what it is that I have done so wrong and have asked any gods that will listen to tell me what I need to do.

In this, I have also been blinded by reality that I still cannot come to terms with, is the point of just not believing that someone else could do something as horrible as some of the things I am going to explain later on. I am angry, hurt, and losing touch with my beliefs, my soul. I feel like an enraged animal that has been on display, poked at and prodded, bled for so long that even the smallest scrap of hope and happiness are barely giving me enough to sustain myself any longer. Just exposing this story, my truths, no, the truths in my journal and on social media Is painful and embarrassing, because if anything I have been good at just writing about the good things, hoping all of the bad beneath the surface would just go away and could be considered challenges that were to be triumphed over eventually.

I am at the point now where just hearing my son's voice, just hearing Diane's voice could be enough to allow me to raise my eye and see that star in the night that I have written so much about before in my journals and strengthen me and allow me to rest. I am so tired. To anyone that feels I misled them, I am sorry. I had hoped that by sharing my thoughts and dreams it would give others hope when even beneath, at times, I have had none.

My life with Diane and Talon has been total and complete dedication, every minute of every day that I have been on the mainland here I have been doing everything possible I could think of for us. My father taught me to make the best of any situation and keep trying to see your way through it until you succeed. People that know me here that I have lived with along the way could probably tell you how much They mean to me because they have been my sole focus.

People that knew me a long time ago could also as easily tell you about my habits, tendencies and general life attitude. I was wild, self-serving and lived in the moment. From that day in 2005 when Diane came into my life all of that changed. I have had a ring on my finger since then and I can count on my hands, literally the times I have taken it off and it has only been for something as small as to clean it or make sure it didn't get damaged. Even after what has been happening now it's still there and it always will be.

I have always had an obsession with truth, because without it we are nothing. The times in my life when I lied nothing ever good came of it so I learned that there must be truth above all else in anything you do, and I suppose that's why I take such strong emotional offense when others do it for whatever reason. It does nothing but causes pain and infects any gains one might achieve through it with a cancer that eventually will come back to you. I had been weak just like anyone else in my life at times and saw myself trying to justify It with circumstance to protect myself or others- Inferiority, threat, pain, suffering, all can be strong emotional weights to place on that scale and not once has it ever been justified in the long run. I can promise you that.

This is also how something else was different about me after 2005, It had always been at the front of my mind that I would never fall into that because what we had, and in my eyes still have is pure, the greatest reward and gift of all, and I would let nothing stand in its way to defile that. No matter what hardships I felt we could face, especially in this crazy world where it seems like good people are the ones who suffer the most and have to work the hardest, I would not take even the smallest chance of putting that mark on its stone.

I recently published a much different open private letter on my journal site, which kind of explains some of this in greater detail and for some may be necessary to give a little bit more insight into how things have been going. I even feel ashamed of some of the beautiful works that I created because it didn't show the hardship and trials that were going on in the background that created constant pain for me. Part of it I suppose was I was also trying to protect Diane's honor and what little self-esteem I have had left. My failure in this case I suppose though is I have not been recognizing the signs along the way and I hate to say it, my total and unwavering trust in Diane, and my total willingness to forgive any of her flaws and mistakes, and in return her for me the same. That is how love is supposed to work and it always had until a point.

We have done our best over this whole time to keep things together and many relationships I think in a situation like this couldn't lay claim to maintaining daily communication and interaction as close as possible to me being there as Skype chatting and video on an almost daily basis this whole time.

In my personal journals I have written for many years about all of the things on my mind, the things we have done and even little things that to me, meant the world. I've always been a romantic, even keeping the little things that people might just disregard without a second thought- a napkin, a straw, a broken toy. His first hat. Even all our video chats, videos pictures, everything. all of it to me was more important not just for my own reflection but in hopes in the future when perhaps myself or Diane wasn't there, Talon could look back on it and smile. I felt that if even some of the hardships that were there they would teach him about the strength of love and truth, and that keeping these things within your being would always carry you, no matter how hard life got.

If you have read this far, thank you. It's not a short story and there is still much to tell, so if you are still here, prepare yourself. I somehow feel that even the circumstances and situations facing me now will be buried in lies and forgotten about, especially by the one person that I feel needs to know them, my son Talon. My soul will not be able to rest until I know he knows what I was, what I am, and all of the truths. Truth is not malleable.

But now we come to the reality of it all. Despite me catching her cheating on me multiple times, It always ended with her begging me to forgive her and not put our son through something as harsh as me taking him away from her. I was so angry at times and hurt that I felt like at least I should file for joint custody so at least I would have him half the time, but I didn't Why? Because she said she loved me and didn't want to break our family up. In her own words: “We can get through this, we will be better, I promise.” I left Hawaii a while back to reestablish a home and footing for our family on the mainland here and that's what I have been trying to do ever since. It's always been something with her, taking care of a sick mother, Talon's friends at school, waiting until he's old enough to handle a move, wait until he's old enough to understand a little bit better.

And I believed all of it. No matter how much it hurt me to be separated I just kept my nose to the grind and have been doing everything possible to put things together for us. When you trust someone so completely and then have the things that I'm about to mention happen I hope you’ll understand what it can do to a person. It's killing me.

Early March, out of the blue I got a message that my son's computer was in a new location. Wylie Texas. For a moment I thought it was just a typical internet glitch but when I asked her she said “Um, I have something to tell you.” First, instead of the normal video chat, she just called me on messenger- and told me that she moved her and Talon in with the last guy that she was cheating on me with. I blew up and flew off the handle on levels that I even scared myself thinking about it afterwards. The thing that horrified me afterwards was it was obvious she knew how I was going to react to this and had my son sitting right there next to her quietly while she did this. My son heard me at my worst, angered, enraged and just saying anything that wanted to come out. After all of this. after all of these years everything she has done encapsulated into my emotions into that 5 minutes.

Was I foolishly just denying the truth all along? I didn't think so, especially considering our daily routines this whole time, the conversations that we have had, and yes, she has been pissed off because I have always kept all of these as records claiming that I would want to hold it against her eventually. That was never the case. I mentioned why earlier, but now considering some of the things I'm going to have to do I'm glad I did. I realize something about her that other people have been telling me that brought some of this to my attention earlier and later that she runs away when she is called out on anything. I never would have admitted to that until now, looking back over things.

When I have tried recently to look back over everything, yes going back to the day I left Hawaii and pouring over the thousands, literally thousands of messages, letters, chats everything, with a neutral perspective- There are over 99,000 Skype messages alone. I'm not kidding. I have spent days going back over all of it, trying to see where I went wrong.

It keeps coming back to me just believing her and taking her for her word. Trust. I don't do things in other parts of my life without research and being confident enough in my decisions most of the time to do anything to set myself up for failure or do things unnecessarily. My family has been so important to me that handling things that way was even more important. I never considered her something I would have to protect myself or my son from, I just retained this sense of her being just human, making mistakes like we all do and loving enough to at least admit them and get past them. I loved her even more.

Since that first week in March, I have been forced to contact other family members, other people that I rarely if ever have had contact with because there wasn't any need to only to find out that she has been planning this for some time, all the while maintaining the relationship with me as normal all the way literally, up until that day. She had even been waking my son up at 2:00 a.m. in Texas to maintain the charade of them going to bed at their normal 9 or 10:00 p.m. Hawaii time. For a while I noticed that there was something on my son's mind or he was incredibly tired and the few times I asked him what was on his mind it was often cut off by her saying he needed to go to sleep for school. or he's just really super tired, homework etc.

Who does that? From that day since it just kept being one thing after another coming to light because again, I went into panic mode. That's not even adding the anger, hurt and disgust that I have been feeling this whole time. Some of my first thoughts were about my son probably feeling bad about being involved in this lie, and how it must have felt to him for her to be putting him through it. I asked her some of the normal questions I guess that someone in my position would start to ask like needing contact information for an emergency, the school he was going to, where they were living, etc. She didn't want to give me any of that. I had to find it all out for myself through private investigation.

I already knew quite a bit about the guy, Seth Thornhill, from the previous situation, But I wanted to know about my son's school so I could speak with his counselors and have them there for him to help him through this as a neutral third party because I knew things were going to get crazy and her making him lie to me on a regular basis has had to have had an effect on him. Despite and regardless of the anger I have been feeling I've been trying to do my best to keep myself together because I have been scared for my son this whole time. And given the extent of the things that I've been finding out, the things she has told other people, my greatest fear is that my son somehow hates me, doesn't want anything to do with me, or even worse, has become like her and willing to say things like I love you only to get things.

I spent some time looking into this guy, everything about him, and finding out the details of their relationship because I had been told that he broke it off with her. Others who were close to her came forward and told me about times when she seemed to put Seth ahead of Talon. Horrible things. Leaving him with her sisters, leaving him to play on his computer or tablet for hours on end while she did her thing. I was told about times when Seth got upset at Talon for just being a kid. This was in front of other people so it's not just one person's word over another. One situation I'm told involved her sisters trying to get in touch with her and them not answering. A neighbor went over there, and they wouldn't even answer the door, but they knew they were there. Employers, coworkers and other people close to her confirmed this and other situations like this. It sickens me. I couldn't believe any of it and that was part of our arguments when I went back to Hawaii and of course when she said none of it was true, I believed her. Why would these people come forward of their own accord to tell me these things though?

She even got pregnant by him and did the morning after pill thing. This was confirmed by a reliable source, and she didn't deny it in Hawaii but she denies it now. Just because time passes doesn't make a lie truth Diane. It was bad enough for me coping with the fact that they had a relationship, but murdering a child puts me in places I can't describe, and for good reason, especially in this case because it brings to light some things about her that I never wanted to believe. Back in 2011 she did the same thing except went for an actual abortion. We fought about this and her reasoning was we couldn't afford it. I finally had to give in to her because she was going to do it anyways although she knew how upset I was. I've often said prayers to this child and telling them that Daddy will see them soon and please watch over us and to forgive mom. That's just something about Diane I had to find a way in my heart to forgive her for and I thought I did. I've never been able to justify it in my own mind because no matter the situation a child's life is not worth being measured and disregarded like that. What bothers me more is Seth is incredibly well to do and of course affording it would be no issue. I can't think of any other reason for that except selfish means. It sickens me. I'm told that it's even a possibility that that may have been what led up to Diane and Seth breaking up that first time and that was Diane's way of trying to keep him from doing so. Who knows.

I cannot describe how furious I am and crying even as I write this because my son this whole time has been the pure spirit in all of this. She is even using that explosive moment I had when I flew off the handle and obviously said things I didn't mean as a reason to keep him from me. I feel like I was set up, and the more I find out the more it's really looking like that. And even the guy that she's with, has had to have seen this and obviously been okay with it this whole time.

There are so many feelings, waves of emotion and racing thoughts that I just cannot get out of my head, I am sleeping very little, and no matter even if I manage to fall asleep from exhaustion of trying to do things right and get everything I need, the very second I wake up it's a nightmare, and even when I sleep I am having bad dreams that I dare not even mention here. It's affecting me medically, physically and emotionally on levels that I just cannot describe. 

There is so much background to this story and I am willing to give any and all of it to anyone and I don't even know why except that I want to hold my son, I want to get back some at least of what was stolen from me with him, and just let it all go away for a while. I'm at the point now where I've been telling myself that if I fall asleep, I don't want to wake up anymore. The thing that is driving me is the love for my son. The once proud, strong and optimistic guy that you all knew is a crying, scared, and weak shadow of what he used to be. I have almost nothing left. I can't hide it anymore. I don't even have the strength for that.

I did not do anything to deserve this, no matter how much I look back on everything I have done since 2005, since my son was born, since I left Hawaii to put our family back together, I can't think of anything that anyone would hold this much against me. Everything I have made, even when it wasn't much during hard times, long hours, and even all of my spare time you can see that creatively, artistically I've devoted all of my time to doing things for them. Look at my journals. Tell me I'm not just a stupid man and did this all for nothing. Holding my son's hand even for a moment gave me the strength to challenge the Gods and I have. For the first time since I met her, I'm finding myself having a hard time forgiving her. Everything in my being is telling me I should but I just can't. Not for me, but for my son and the life he was supposed to have that she has now destroyed.

After 2 weeks of trying to get her to give me school information, their address, a reliable means of contact and more time to speak with him, I became frustrated. I couldn't help telling her exactly how I felt about all of this, my disgust at the lies and the things that she was willing to do and put everyone through just to hide all of it. A little over a week and a half ago I finally got a chance to talk with my son on video for a little while, and we were talking about this whole situation. He started to tell me how he felt that he knew that the way his mom did these things was wrong and he didn't like being made to lie. He started to cry. He was telling me he was sorry. He said he was worried about losing ME. God dammit... 

I was in the middle of telling him that I understood, that I loved him and that we were going to work through it somehow but we need to talk about it and she came into the room and asked him why he was crying- he turned the phone around and the look in her eyes even scared me and I know it have had to have scared him. Right away a million emotions poured over me and I got so upset that she probably has him scared to even talk about things or afraid to disagree with her I flew off the handle. I thought I even heard Seth in the background say something in another room. I blew up and I said that he better not say a fucking word, and that I need five more minutes. She grabbed the phone and hung up and has not answered since. She has not allowed him to call, she will not message me or communicate with me about other things that we now obviously have to take care of, and I have had to go through her family members in a very unreliable fashion to even get a message to her about some of these important things. I can say I don't care about those things, that and I just want to talk with my son because I do at the first and foremost. It's killing me. I know the things I'm going to have to do, but she is avoiding any means of contact and making it even more difficult to do the things that I know we need to do.

Like it or not, I'm told she has just been weaponizing him towards me and this is all part of the parental alienation behavior. Again, I find myself horrified and heartbroken that the woman I love would be even capable of thinking about something like this let alone putting it to use. My fear is that there's only going to be so much that Talon is going to be able to take before he starts believing some of the bullshit and of course he's not old enough or in a strong enough position to counter it. Children have some pretty strong coping mechanisms and they aren't always the best in the long run but child or adult we all do things to just make some things go away, even for a while. Her purposely having him there knowing what my initial reactions would be or anybody's for that matter is abuse no matter how you look at it and I can't get past believing that it's premeditated. Nobody in their right mind would do something like that to their child. Let alone even half of the things she's done. The same family and social environment in Hawaii that I feel turned Diane into this unrecognizable person is being repeated again because that's all she knows in how to deal with things. It's a repeat pattern with her and my son and I are in the middle of it as acceptable collateral damage.

When I tried to contact the school to speak with a counselor after finding out what school he was going to, they told me that I didn't have a right to be involved in this because I am not on his birth certificate. That devastated me because I always have been on his birth certificate. I even have pictures of us signing for it at the hospital when he was born. We just never got a copy of it after moving to Hawaii and had always planned on doing it when he was going to attend school there. That particular subject had came up when he first started school and she told me that he didn't need one there in Hawaii. I told her we needed to get one nonetheless and she said she would take care of it and I trusted her with doing so. It was just something we never followed up on on a regular basis except in short talks in the middle of bigger things along the way. I guess I should have pressed the issue more and probably would have found out that she did in fact file for a new one and left me off of it. Looking back on everything that has happened now it's really hard not thinking that she did it on purpose because perhaps, of the things that are happening now. My mind starts racing at all of the negative possibilities and it hurts me so much to think that way.

All of these things are like daggers just stabbing me in the heart and I can't make them go away. I never would have thought that the woman I fell in love with would be capable of doing any of these things. But now, some of it is even starting to make sense and even more so after hearing things she has told people from time to time. It's always been about money. Things. She gets furious when I bring that up, and I used to bring it up because I always felt like I was a failure because I knew in Hawaii especially it's a very materialistic culture. I'd like to say I'm joking about the whole Filipino stereotype but well, that falls into that category as well. She used to go out of her way to comfort me when we were going through hardship and reassure me that no matter what we faced we would always be together and that would never, ever be a circumstance for something is next level is what has been happening now.

I never said anything to her but once in a while she would comment about feeling embarrassed and even jealous about her sisters or other people always having nice things. Her father is literally a whole different book of disagreement between me and him on subjects such as this as well, but she was exposed to it every single day there and I knew it had to have an impact. It obviously did after speaking with other people not involved in our relationship and hearing about the things she had said from time to time. These other people have no reason to lie.

Even the first time when she got caught cheating with Seth she said it was just a means to an end. They must have had an argument or something because he kicked her to the curb before I even knew about it, but I remember that conversation plainly like it was yesterday. I was there in Hawaii after that for that Christmas and New Years and the anger in her eyes when she said that he was selfish should have told me something, but I just let it go by and didn't think about it.

As I mentioned earlier, other things came to light about the ending of their relationship later and who knows. the more I think about it the more I get disgusted.

I could go on with a list of things but let me say that Seth is from a well-to-do family, has a lot of Real Estate, ex-military and now working with dad's real estate business as well. I didn't know all along I was competing with any of this stuff, and it doesn't matter. I couldn't and never could hope to. You would think that when it comes down to actually loving someone none of that is supposed to matter. but I guess in this case it does. And it's sickens me. Her own words recently were exactly this: “There was nothing for us in Hawaii, so I had to find something, anything.”

The guy they are with owns multiple properties and operates multiple other pieces of real estate, so another fear I have is having to chase them down at every turn every time I make headway in trying to reunite with my son. It's a perfect solution for her.

That hit me so hard and I was literally hearing Diane say something that she had previously said on many occasions she found to be disgusting and definitely not her. The person saying that Is exactly the vile creature that everyone fears and cannot protect themselves from. Yet another stab in my heart. And yes, just like everything else no matter how painful it is to look at when I have to I even kept that message for records now. Some of this is no longer just happy little things that I used to enjoy tucking away to look back over, it's ugly, painful and disgusting things that maybe some of the only things that can prove to my son that is father is not what I think he is being told. I can't take a chance on that, because without knowing that my son loves me, my soul is never going to be able to rest. I don't even know if he will see half of the things that I have written, the things that I have done, the stories of my adventures, the things that I have done to bring our family back together. It feels like it's all being destroyed and hidden and thrown away. That's why I'm compelled to write the things I am writing and the things I will still have to write if I am even able to.

I have to come to the realization that either she was always like this, or that somehow, she just changed. I have not, I will not. For all the things in love, and good in this world somebody has to hold steady for all of it. No matter what the cost. Because most of you know that I am a writer, a dreamer, a romantic, you know that even deep down beneath all of my hurt and anger right now there's still a small ray of hope for my family. It's probably bordering on insanity to do that, but you have to understand that without hope, even if it's smallest, is sometimes all that's needed or all we have. At the very least, I want to hold my son. I want my time with him, what little I have left. I am not young anymore. I am weak and failing, I have to realize that and admit it. I can't hide it from myself even if I've been able to hide it from other people for so long now.

I can't even look in the mirror anymore for the failure that I feel right now. Everyone is telling me that I have to be strong for my son, strong for myself, but I am just tired. All I have left are trying to take chances, no matter how small to try to get that little scrap of hope and happiness that I have left, even for a minute. And Diane and Seth will not even give me that. I know now why Diane has been gradually minimizing the amount of time I have had a chance to talk with Talon. it all makes sense now. It will be easy for him to forget, easy to bury me. I don't even know if the letters that I'm sending are being allowed to be seen. You've all heard horror stories of things like that and at one time I would have relied on Diane to do the right thing, but I can't even rely on that now.

I'd even hope that someone one day can walk up to my son and tell him about his father, his real father. No matter how Diane tries to play this, Seth will never be his father, never. The best she can hope for is for all of his money to blind him and buy his temporary happiness. But he is my blood, he has the blood of warriors, of kings, men of honor like my father. We have a strong lineage that goes back to Dane-land, and I suppose that's where I get my tenacity and drive. I thank them for that and beg them to give Talon their strength in the future. One day, his blood will boil, and the truth may set him free. I have to believe that. I have to, try to. He has been cut off from me and I haven't had a chance to teach him the things a father would about who he is and who he can be. I have to be afraid that all he has at this time is for what his mother can show him. It's at that point that I fear he will become the same thing his mother has. The things I have done, the things I am, the things I was and everything I have done for him and his mother. Right now, I wish someone would get through to her how much I need to talk with my son even at the very least. Somebody or something has to make sense to her.

No mother or father in their right mind would be this cruel. If I could go on national TV right now, I would tell this story. I would lay out all of my faults and failures for the whole world to see as I have done here and in my journals without a second thought. I would fight the gods one last time and even knowing I'd lose to eternal servitude to hold his hand one more time.

I even have to save and copy all of these records, everything I have saved, the chats, the messages, the letters, our family photos, All of our information, everything in multiple places and hide it because I am so afraid that it's going to be destroyed, taken or lost. I can't allow that to happen. For my son's sake, for my soul's sake. I can't trust anything in this world anymore except him. Not at this time. Maybe not ever again. I know it may be bordering on insanity but this is what Diane has done to me and our family.

I can't even tell him right now just that Daddy loves him. That daddy misses him, and that he's sorry for failing him and his mother. I wish someone would tell him, even if it isn't me. I've tried sending letters like I said, and I don't even think that he would see them. I'd even hope if someone sees this, they'd send him a letter, or if they happen to see him tell him for me. I don't know what to do and I have to take even the smallest chance that someone would.

The top three are recent images of Diane and Talon, and the bottom three are slightly older.  I don't want to put pictures of Seth up because they are in case files at the moment and I can't stand looking at them.  This isn't about him anyways, he is nothing and I could care less.  

Talon, I love you.  -Dad

My Journals:

https://historicoriginsstudios.com/writings-on-the-wall

I Am Talon's Dad Website:

https://iamtalonsdad.com/

People and Places With All of The Records, Stories, Research, etc:

They will be found when they are needed, and given when they are needed. Nothing is left to chance... FAAFO