I talk with many people about a wide variety of subjects. I'm a talker. Yeah.
One thing we have too little of these days is the "fireside converstion". At the end of the day whether it be at a community meal or even a simple wind-down with one's family. Many problems socially and family natured could be solved or not even exist, I think, if people had more of this in their lives.
One thing that comes up frequently is how and why I deal with being away from Diane and Talon. The easy answer is, I dont. It's a constant struggle that I'm afraid I dont have total control over.
I'ts aged me.
Perhaps I could outline the reasoning, but it wouldn't serve any purpose and open up the subject to interpretation outside what is important to us. We dont need that. It is what it is and we have to deal with it as it happens. It's been hard and none of us could have been prepared, but we are doing what we can until then. Its a story that would bring most people to their knees a long time ago, but this is me, this is us we are talking about. All I can say is there are some things left in this world that still matter, some things worth the trials.
I have been on my knees, palm to ground on many occasion and it's not my total resolve that has lifted me back up at the darkest of times- its her eyes and his gentle voice reminding me of what we are.
A friend, who is a popular entity on YouTube came to me one day some time ago and told me she had been reading and watching my journals for quite sometime as a silent fan, or in her words, student and great inspiration. (I hope she doesn't mind me quoting her) It took me back a bit because well, trying to remain humble simply saying "I'm just me, I think, feel, and write what my heart says. Sometimes it's gentle and loving, other times it's a storm of primal growls surfacing at being chained, beaten, and held underfoot by things I cant understand. I'm just, me."
She confessed at having a love affair with my words, their meanings, and the spiritual energy they convey. She called me a "tree". It took a few more conversations for me to understand what she meant. She has to have help with interpretation sometimes and to me thats more fun than anything. Fascinating even, although me being the subject makes me uncomfortable sometimes. "Not just one kind, but having qualities of many, a world tree." "Willow, because you bend and cannot break, Peach has immortality and touches the world above and below, Ash holds your feet in storms, and Oak because your strength shields others beneath you who you protect. There are more, but you see what I mean? Many men are just potted plant with tiny roots, and have everything given to them because of where they sit, and wilt when the wind is too strong or the flowers grow too heavy. They rarely stay when the sun shines too bright Some, like you are trees, seeing above everything and stand tall among the world You weather the sun, the wind, and even provide shade for those too fragile to see life outside their own pot."
"Well, Im blushed at what you say, and you're probably right about the old tree part, I'm definitely showing my age these days and hardly get a chance to dry out between those storms."
"Men show the storms they weather, its part of what you are and nothing to be ashamed of. The blossoms you hold most dear are there because you protect them- from the wind that would harm them, and the reason they are so beautiful to your eyes is because its a gift given back to you. The blossom can and does smile because it's loved so much. A pretty man has never had to hold ground, and an ugly woman has never been under a tree long enough to blossom or at all." Your Diane is very lucky, I envy her."
Wow. And I thought I went deep at times. But after I thought about it I was embarrassed because I over-simplified what she was trying to say at first. It makes sense, and also explains on a deeper level perhaps, what is wrong with some parts of society. Superficial, materialistic. No wonder some people are such a mess. Her observations (based on what I gather by her general presence in her own work) come from someone who also has alot of time to think, in quiet solitude. I appreciate the insight and a chance to look at it from someone elses perspective.
True enough, I suppose we do show our stresses and they can be evident through they eyes of someone who sees the trees, the flowers, and feels the wind. You wont notice them with your heads buried in a phone or lapping up drink at a table until you numb your senses to your own selfishness and shallow vices. I guess I'd rather be a worn frame on a mantle, holding a painting for all to see than an empty pot with a long dead flower in it, and dead petals cast away like momentary children who meant nothing more than a night of folly. People dont appreciate what they have, what they are given, and almost always take more than they deserve,
Some of us were meant to be trees and honestly, its not as hard as you might think- but understand our scars and hard bark are just testament to what we have seen, where we have been and here for a greater purpose that is willingly taken. Every line tells a story, and beneath that worn exterior its constantly being renewed by the love of memory, and the anticipation of seeing the spring flowers we love so deeply.