You Don’t Just Lose Someone Once...
These things can hold true for anyone in your life- a partner, a friend, a brother. Measure your words and your actions each time you pass each other because you cannot get time back and what you choose to do with it and for it, may be your joy or lament. I have lost much and will lose much, we all do.
Today I send a brother to his maker and hope to make good on the things we were, the things we became and the things we aspired to. You were just here a moment ago and we were laughing at the gods, provoking them to action brother; and the only regret I have is not being able to say it one more time- I love you, and will see you soon. "Time enough for the earth in the ground".
We had a special relationship and conversations about things I'd venture to guess he wouldnt or couldnt with anyone else. We did things from time to time that I still carry (How many can say they hung off a cliff with a brother staring down into the mouth of an active volcano and pissing off the edge to intimidate Vulcan, or did the bro version of Ghost sculpting things the world may never see now?) and at least got a hug just a few days ago being told "Everything will be ok, youre stronger in many things I could never be and you inspire me." are my last memory. The world is a shittier place now. The roadtrip we were set to make next week was going to be the most. Sigh.
You knew my mind, and I yours. This is why I do not cry. Rest in peace Tomak.
"You Don’t Just Lose Someone Once..."
You lose them when you close your eyes each night.
And as you open them each morning.
You lose them throughout the day.
An unused coffee cup.
An empty chair.
A pair of boots no longer there.
You lose them as the sun sets.
And darkness closes in.
You lose them as you wonder why.
Staring at a star lit sky.
You lose them on the big days.
Anniversaries.
Birthdays.
Graduations.
Holidays.
Weddings.
And the regular days too.
You lose them in the ordinary.
Paperwork.
Household chores.
Routines taken for granted.
You lose them in the familiar.
A song they used to sing.
The scent of their cologne.
A slice of their favourite pie.
You lose them in conversations you will never have.
And all the words unsaid.
You lose them in all the places they’ve been.
And all the places they longed to go.
You lose them in what could have been.
And all the dreams you shared.
You lose them as you pick up the broken pieces.
And begin your life anew.
You lose them when you realize.
This is your new reality.
They are never coming back.
No matter how much
You miss them or
Need them.
No matter how hard you pray.
They are gone.
And you must go on.
Alone.
You lose them as the seasons change.
The snow blows.
The flowers blossom.
The grass grows.
The leaves fall.
You lose them again and again.
Day after day.
Month after month.
Year after year.
Time marches on, carrying them further and further way.
You lose them as your hair whitens and your body bends with age.
Your memory fades.
And the details begin to blur.
Their face stares back at you from a faded photograph.
Someone you used to know.
You think you might have loved them once.
Long ago.
Back then.
When you were whole.
You don’t just lose someone once.
You lose them every day.
Over and over again.
For the rest of your life.
~Monica Bobbitt
