I Would Like to Think...
Anyone who knows me- really knows me, will tell you I say I am a simple man, but in truth I think I'm far from it. When I say that I mean my dreams and aspirations are simple.
To love, and be loved. To hold small things in my hand for a time and leave them in places where perhaps they may bring a simple smile to someone for a time and during those times they need it most.
Nothing more.
Like any man Ive spent time chasing worldly things and like any hunter, sometimes come home hungry and others full.
I will never be a rich man. I understand that now. I've had my preference for the simple things held against me in many ways. It's disheartening to be thought of as less because it's almost always construed as lacking ambition, poor decision making, or outright inferiority.
Contrary. My dreams and the small things I do have fill my heart with so much that I feel that if I was to ask, or want, for more, somehow it lessens what I really am. I am thankful for the things I have, because there are others who have so much less. I don't begrudge those pursuing the pile, but in truth I do pity them.
For my family, I am sorry.
Diane, my heart, you are the only one who really knows me at all. All of my faults, all of my fears. If there ever comes a time when I let you down, know it was never my intent. Your heart allowed me to do things and find things within myself I never would have dreamed of. Losing myself in your eyes and smile is all any man could ever want from someone, and the rest of the world, its things are nothing.
Talon, my sweet son. I'm going to quote something profound. Someone else found the words before I could put them to word, and when I read it its exactly what my heart feels in all this.
"They say that a man must love his sons more, but a man can be jealous of his sons, and his daughter can always be the light in his life."
This is because one day you will come to be a man and will think of these things too. For me, the reason we can be jealous is because our sons are meant to succeed us. We want them to be better than us. They hold a love by their mother that we cant even compare to. I can only speak for myself but the love I have for your mother is the only thing in this world that can make me jealous. Its also the strength behind everything I've ever been able to do, and you are part of that- you are because of that and I'm proud. My dreams can live through you finding your own. Your sister, who you wont meet for some time will probably be there with me when my time comes, being a light when I'm making my way to see the Gods. I'll tell her the stories of what we did, and hold her until we come together again.
These are just things that I'd hope any man would want his family and the world to know, and to not leave unsaid.
I love you both, with all my heart.
~Mahal
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